ungrateful

Some people are so selfish and ungrateful. They don't give a shit about thier behavior effecting those around them. It's all about them and what they want. 

It's even harder when it's one of your kids. 

We've gone out of our way repeatedly for her. Paying her phone bill, paying the insurance on her trailer, hell cosigning on a trailer for her to live in, taking her wherever she needs to go, etc. Only to have her today say we do nothing for her. 

Needless to say it set Herby off and they got into it. She naturally was the victim and according to her was being gaslit by by him. 

I'm so frustrated and annoyed by this whole situation. Up until I went out of commission cuz of the surgery shit was fine. I mean she's always been self centered and selfish but she'd never went after her dad like this, even trying to drag momma into it. 

I'm done helping her. I refuse to do anything else for her at this point. I know she's my step child and I will love her regardless but I refuse to be abused by her or anyone else. And I'll be damned if she's going to hurt Herb either. I will loose my shit over that. 

changes

so many things have changed in the last month alone. I left spectrum (happily)  and started a job I actually enjoy going to on a daily basis( minus the early morning thing) . Im home nightly and get to see my family so much more.
I go to bed most nights alone (cuz Im tired sooner then herby is) but I  get snuggles once he comes to bed.

Speaking of him, he did the most adorable thing this past weekend. He grabbed his extra broncos hat and put it on my head as we went out to run errands. I looked at him and said " dont like my hair?" ( I had just bleached it) He responded with " Not that.....I wanted us to match"

AWWWW right?

LOL

Hes such a sweetheart. I got way too lucky with him. I definitely dont deserve him.

Abandonment

what is abandonment?
It is defined as the fact or action of being abandoned.

Its heart wrenching and heart breaking but can one heal from it?
I think so. I think its completely possible to heal from being abandoned and that one can move on from it.

Is it possible to ever trust someone who once abandoned you? Thats a much more difficult question to answer. I dont know if you can. I dont know if I could. I would always be open to trying especially if it was someone I truely cared for. Yet part of me would always keep an arms length from a person who hurt me in such a viscious way.

That may seem extreme but to a babygirl (yes i am a babygirl for those who didnt already know) that is the worst thing possible to do. Its right up there with ignoring or the silent treatment.

30 days of lifestyle. Day 2

30 Days of Little Space ~ Day 2     

Do you have a caregiver?      Yes I do. We've been together for awhile now.  We got married on our 2nd anniversary. He's a loving and amazing Daddy. Hes strong,smart and snuggly. Hes perfect for me.


30 days of kittenspace ~ Day 2 

Leather or Ribbon Collars?     Depends on what it is for. I prefer ribbon for daily wear or non play use. Leather or metal for play.

30 days of lifestyle~ day 1

I  love doing the 30 day writing prompts. I love the lifestyle I am lucky enough to live. So why not combine the two?

With that being said, I present the following 30 days of kitten space,little space aspects of my lifestyle!

KittenSpace Day 1 ~  Are you a specific breed ?

Not really a specific breed of any kind. Im more of a mixed  breed who has a adorably rainbow coat  ❤  I do find that depending on my mood and where Im at in my head , my kitty side does something similar to my little side. I do regress into a more kitten like space when Im little,where as when Im big Im much more of a wild cat.

Little Space  Day 1 ~ Do you sleep with a stuffie?

I do actually sleep with a stuffie. I sleep with several of them actually. I have an entire collection of stuffies including several build a bears,harley quinn, zombiebear, and my little ponies. Plus several wolves and a rainbow kitty :)

So I'm finally going to address this.

It was brought to my attention awhile ago that my ex husband is running his mouth yet again about me.It took me awhile to actually have the time to address it, but here we go. I felt that it would best be addressed with pictures of the shit hes saying before my response.

ok that's kinda hard to read sooooo


Lets first address the cheating with a simple statement : I'm not you.
Secondly, no one is happier that I am gone from you then I am.OK that's a lie. The girls and Herby might be just as glad as I am.
You posting this bullshit,2 years after I left you, is just further proof of the abuse and vitriol that you spewed constantly while I was married to you. It just goes to show the head games you love playing. I am many things, but anyone who knows me at all knows the one thing I am not is a liar. The same can not be said for you though can it?

For someone who went through domestic violence classes , one would think you would be able to tell the difference between fucking someone who was asleep and someone who is a willing participant in sex. I mean if we were still sleeping together, willingly I mean, then why exactly did I lock my bedroom door and shove a door stop under it so you couldn't open it after the first time you did that shit? Why did I stop taking my medication that allowed me to sleep after that happened?

I promise this, no one in this family of mine misses you or your consistent need to make up for your lack of dick by trying to show you are always right. Reality was that was a rarity in and of itself.

As for money from a tax refund, there was NO mention of us splitting it in the divorce decree. I know as I'm the one who wrote it and you signed it. Not to mention the fact that the kids I claimed aren't yours and you had no right to claim them to begin with as we were no longer married. Sorry I refused to break a federal law to help you not be a broke bitch.

Now I will say you did help me pack, crying like a bitch the entire time,begging me not to actually leave,forcing me to lie about where I was going out of fear of what you would do to me if you knew.

I stole from you? You had nothing to steal. You kept the xbox1 that some other bitch bought for you, the pc I bought for you, the tv we bought together, the tv you bought me for my birthday as well as my black diamond paw print necklace that was a gift too.  The ONLY thing I have that was yours (and this was purely by accident since it was in my bag for some reason) was the fucking dildo you liked having shoved up your ass. If you want it back I have no problem shipping it to you.

So to address the part to my friends :
Again, I don't lie and the only person I have removed from my life had nothing to do with you. It was due to me being tired of her refusal to grow the fuck up, be responsible and constantly hiding her health status from the people who would give her a chance. It hit a breaking point when it was with someone I consider a damn good friend.

What people heard was you being an abusive prick who got caught. What you are doing with these dumb ass posts is a prime example of what gas lighting actually is and a perfect representation of the entire marriage I had with you.

No one sent you fake texts.
No one has time for fake facebook pages,bullshit phone calls and if I want to threaten someone I do it I don't need to hide what I have to say. That's part of why I got my ass beat as much as I did from you and Kevin. My fucking mouth.
I still don't know where the fuck Metter Georgia is.
I don't cheat. I'm too lazy for that shit.

You are the bad guy.
First step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

So with that being said, fuck off. I'm happily married ( OMFG Who the hell knew what a happy marriage could feel like? I sure as hell didn't until now) Its been years now since I left. Move the hell on.   You aren't even a thought for me, Herby or the kids. You aren't missed. And to be 100% blunt, you wont be missed even after your kidneys finally fail.
Leave me and mine alone. PERIOD.

ex wives

Its been a bit of a long week. 

Pretty stressful given what was going on .  

Herby's ex wife tried coming around ,trying  to claim they weren't

really divorced. 

We got the papers, Herby even paid for a certified copy of the dissolution decree to be sent two day shipping because of all the shit happening and being said.

In better news, weve now been married a month! I think we are still very much in the newlywed phase . We are still playful and stupid with each other, but then again weve been like that for our entire relationship anyway.

Today after doing some of the running we had to do, we curled up on the couch and snuggled. And by snuggled i mean snored cuz we both crashed out lol. 

I look over at him, even now while he is playing his game, and I cant help but smile. I love him so much. Just being around him makes me happy . I know I sound like a sappy, stupid girl in love but well, i am.  Hes my other half and realistically my better half cuz im an asshole. My happy place is snuggled up with him. 

Next weekend is date night <3 

I cant wait. 

Story time

Gather around kids, Im gonna share a little story.

In 1996, there was an adorable blonde girl who agreed to take a chance on her best friend , allowing their relationship to go to the next level. They began dating.Not always with the most support due to antiquated ideas on interracial  relationships, but they still drove on.

It wasn't long before within that relationship, things progressed,they grew closer and then missed a step in precautions. The tests came back positive. She was terrified to tell her family but ultimately it had to be done. Naturally there was anger,disappointment, but there was support as well.  See she was only a kid still, nowhere near ready to become a parent while still a child herself.

The choice was made for her essentially and then the appointment made.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That girl was me.
I was 15 when I got pregnant the first time.
I was 15 when I had an abortion.

It wasn't an easy choice,but it was the right one. I wasn't ready,he for damn sure wasn't ( hell he still wasn't when i had my oldest, and im not sure hes ever grown up in all honesty) .
Having an abortion was not an easy choice, nor was it one made without a ton of soul searching.
I knew the likelihood of me being able to properly take care of a baby when i was 15 was  literally less then zero.  I went into that office crying and scared. I was in the back alone and wishing my mom was with me. I walked out feeling empty, like something was missing from within my soul ,broken and hurting.

It was hard. But i was able to do this legally and safely. Not bringing another child into the world, forcing it into an overcrowded foster system,allowing it to feel unwanted or unloved.

Instead I assumed the hurt and pain so that child would never have to. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yet now the ability to make that choice is being stripped from women.
Its our bodies. Its our choices.
Stop trying to take control of whats not yours.

So its finally happened

We did it. Two weeks ago I married my love. We chose to do it as we celebrated our 2nd anniversary. It was a small,intimate gathering but one we wouldn't change for anything. It was perfect for us. We had those we loved with us. We were even lucky enough to get the weather to hold out until everything was all done! 

Now that its all over, i think its time to get back into writing some. Im not sure if im gonna going back into writing fiction , just blogs or maybe a little of both. I know that I miss the creativity of it as well as the venting ability. 

So with that being said, heres to the upcoming  narratives.

quick update

Its been forever since Ive posted here, but Ive been busy! Planning a wedding, moving, working, handling life with teenagers.....
Its been hectic to say the least. I am still around though,despite the hopes of some.

As you can see, we got our engagement pictures back. They are gorgeous!

We're now only a few months away from the wedding. Its coming up fast! So much still to do , but we're getting it done.

Just thought I would go ahead and update since I hadnt in awhile.
<3

so its official

We made the announcement, it is official.

30 day Catch up day 15 on

Day 15~I dont know that i have an exact Age, I do know I range from around 6 or so til teens

Day 16~ I dont really have a blankie per say but my leopard print blanket is my most fave one

day 17~Earlier today at work, it was Harley, Joker and Lex luthor

Day 18~I love autumn. Its cooler,so many pretty colors and shorter days

Day 19~Merida

Day 20 ~Other then clowns, my biggest fear is disappointing my Daddy or him not loving me anymore

Day 21~Not anymore. I have to be big sometimes when im at work but even then my little side creeps out with coloring and stuff

Day 22~Lavender

Day 23~my Binkie that Daddy got me.....ITs a kitty binkie

30 days ~day 14

Day 14~I dont really have a fave little space drink Although I think If I had to choose one I would say a chocolate milkshake

30 days~days 11,12 and 13

Sorry i havent been doing this daily like im supposed to, I keep getting busy and by the time i get home....im tired

Day 11~ No I dont have any pets anymore. My ex kept my doggie ,char char binks. I do help Daddy take care of his momma's dog though.

Day 12~Well, I am a kitty after all.Just ask Daddy

Day 13~Given what happens this week I think I know EXACTLY who I wanna talk about. Even the simple thought of him makes me smile . I try to do everything I can to make him proud to be who he is to me. I know that Ive had boyfriends and girlfriends over the course of my life, some of those realtionships were rather serious even,but something was always missing.I was drawn to him from the first time I met him in world when we discussed the tattoos I wore,then he ended up becoming an employee for me.Eventually he became a friend,then so much more. Hes my love, my wolf, my future,the piece that was missing from my world. Hes my Herby. <3

30 days ~7,8,9 and 10

Day 7~No I dont use diapers. Its just not my kink

Day 8~ My fave little activity is ANYTHING to do with animals. I went to petco the other day and got to pet some kitties for only a few mins and I promise I was in little space for hours.
Coloring would be a very close second

Day 9~I dont know if I have an inspiration so to speak. I kinda just go with the flow pulling inspiration from everything around me

Day 10~ Supernatural,my little pony,Doctor who

30 days ~day 5&6

Day 5~ My perfect little date would be somewhere involving water. The beach or even the falls. Just walking and enjoying the water.With Daddy holding on to me keeping me close.Then maybe getting some food but Daddy ordering for me cuz Im too little to do it for myself.Ending the day with cuddles and watching some tv or a movie.

Day 6~ I do use a paci. It keeps me calm and helps me relax at night after a rough day.

30 days ~day 4

Day 4 of the 30 days of littlespace!

Do I have a Daddy or caregiver?

I have the BESTEST Daddy in the world. Him is my wolf and my Daddy. Hes my best friend, my protector, my co-conspirator, my love,my heart and a major part of my world.
In case I wasnt clear,
yes I have a Daddy and I loves him.

We met in SL.We were acquaintances,then he became my employee, then we became friends, then he ditched me because the chick he was dating was a raging lunatic (not in the fun way Im insane) so we fell out of touch for a while. Then he started hanging out at my sissy's sim,coming around again more often. He decided to play paintball with us one night and some how kept getting shot by a midget kitty that someone decided to arm *innocent*  I added him to skype, we started talking randomly throughout the day,grew pretty close pretty fast,then he started tucking me in at night...... I admitted my crush to my big mouthed sister who responded with "  and he has a huge one on you..." which I refused to believe, so she told him how i felt, how she knew what he felt and pretty much that he needed to tell me. So he did.....which admittedly even when that talk began i was clueless,i thought he liked one of our other friends. But I was wrong. He finally got it through my head that there was only one girl he wanted to hear "Daddy" from and that was me.

That was almost a year ago (in 2 weeks actually) and I havent regretted a moment of any of it. Not the loss of "friends" (rolls eyes) not the uproar its caused or the massive cross country move. I love my Daddy and every step Ive taken has been worth it.

30 days ~Day 2 and 3

Im doing day 2 and 3 at the same time because by the time i got home tonight, day 2 was over and I work tomorrow so Day 3 would be late too.....so here goes

Day 2~Talk about my Stuffies!!! OMG I have a ton. I have like every my little pony including 3 from build a bear, plus harley bear,zombie bear, toothless,peacely and merida bear.....I think my favorites though are Grams bear (sentimental reasons due to my parents) ,My big dog that Daddy got me as a valentines surprise named woofers and my pink only you bear from Daddy that I snuggle with nightly.

Day 3~ hmmm this one is a little tougher mostly cuz the big me started weight watchers but i think my fave little space snack is apples sliced up for me or cheese and crackers. My kitty side really likes the cheese *giggles*

30 days

Yall know my love for the "30 days" types of prompts so I present the newest one I found....

So lets start with Day 1 Shall we?

1~ My favorite Disney movie.....Well in all honesty there are a few I love. I mean there are some amazing Disney flicks....There are the classics like snow white, cinderella, lady and the tramp.....Then there are the newer classics like lilo and stitch, moana,Monsters INc. I think though for me, my favorite of all time would have to be the one where people have flat out refused to go see with me in theaters ever again if it was re-released (again) ,so Im gonna go with The Lion King. I know every word, song, idiosyncrasy of the movie.However my favorite princess/princess movie would be Brave. It truly is the one movie where there is no male influence needed. Merida does everything on her own.Yes her brothers are there and her dad does try to help in the finally battle but ultimately it was Merida who had to repair the issues she created.It was different from all the other princess movies plus SCOTTISH! lol

some days

some days i dont want to get up
some days i  can take on the world

some days i dont want to breathe
some days i feel as if i can fly

some days i dont want to be around anyone
some days i feel so lonely im lost

some days i dont want to be alone
some days i crave attention

some days i dont want to live
some days i feel as if i cant fathom not being around.

The problem i am having
is some days
the other side of the coin, the cool soothing side of the pillow
never comes.
And on those days
I want to die.