30 days ~day 5&6

Day 5~ My perfect little date would be somewhere involving water. The beach or even the falls. Just walking and enjoying the water.With Daddy holding on to me keeping me close.Then maybe getting some food but Daddy ordering for me cuz Im too little to do it for myself.Ending the day with cuddles and watching some tv or a movie.

Day 6~ I do use a paci. It keeps me calm and helps me relax at night after a rough day.

30 days ~day 4

Day 4 of the 30 days of littlespace!

Do I have a Daddy or caregiver?

I have the BESTEST Daddy in the world. Him is my wolf and my Daddy. Hes my best friend, my protector, my co-conspirator, my love,my heart and a major part of my world.
In case I wasnt clear,
yes I have a Daddy and I loves him.

We met in SL.We were acquaintances,then he became my employee, then we became friends, then he ditched me because the chick he was dating was a raging lunatic (not in the fun way Im insane) so we fell out of touch for a while. Then he started hanging out at my sissy's sim,coming around again more often. He decided to play paintball with us one night and some how kept getting shot by a midget kitty that someone decided to arm *innocent*  I added him to skype, we started talking randomly throughout the day,grew pretty close pretty fast,then he started tucking me in at night...... I admitted my crush to my big mouthed sister who responded with "  and he has a huge one on you..." which I refused to believe, so she told him how i felt, how she knew what he felt and pretty much that he needed to tell me. So he did.....which admittedly even when that talk began i was clueless,i thought he liked one of our other friends. But I was wrong. He finally got it through my head that there was only one girl he wanted to hear "Daddy" from and that was me.

That was almost a year ago (in 2 weeks actually) and I havent regretted a moment of any of it. Not the loss of "friends" (rolls eyes) not the uproar its caused or the massive cross country move. I love my Daddy and every step Ive taken has been worth it.

30 days ~Day 2 and 3

Im doing day 2 and 3 at the same time because by the time i got home tonight, day 2 was over and I work tomorrow so Day 3 would be late too.....so here goes

Day 2~Talk about my Stuffies!!! OMG I have a ton. I have like every my little pony including 3 from build a bear, plus harley bear,zombie bear, toothless,peacely and merida bear.....I think my favorites though are Grams bear (sentimental reasons due to my parents) ,My big dog that Daddy got me as a valentines surprise named woofers and my pink only you bear from Daddy that I snuggle with nightly.

Day 3~ hmmm this one is a little tougher mostly cuz the big me started weight watchers but i think my fave little space snack is apples sliced up for me or cheese and crackers. My kitty side really likes the cheese *giggles*

30 days

Yall know my love for the "30 days" types of prompts so I present the newest one I found....

So lets start with Day 1 Shall we?

1~ My favorite Disney movie.....Well in all honesty there are a few I love. I mean there are some amazing Disney flicks....There are the classics like snow white, cinderella, lady and the tramp.....Then there are the newer classics like lilo and stitch, moana,Monsters INc. I think though for me, my favorite of all time would have to be the one where people have flat out refused to go see with me in theaters ever again if it was re-released (again) ,so Im gonna go with The Lion King. I know every word, song, idiosyncrasy of the movie.However my favorite princess/princess movie would be Brave. It truly is the one movie where there is no male influence needed. Merida does everything on her own.Yes her brothers are there and her dad does try to help in the finally battle but ultimately it was Merida who had to repair the issues she created.It was different from all the other princess movies plus SCOTTISH! lol

some days

some days i dont want to get up
some days i  can take on the world

some days i dont want to breathe
some days i feel as if i can fly

some days i dont want to be around anyone
some days i feel so lonely im lost

some days i dont want to be alone
some days i crave attention

some days i dont want to live
some days i feel as if i cant fathom not being around.

The problem i am having
is some days
the other side of the coin, the cool soothing side of the pillow
never comes.
And on those days
I want to die.

Its been a long time since you left

26 years ago,today a dream that an 11 year old girl had came true.Down to the words said,minutes on the clock,everything. That day she was called out of health ,she was going home ,her uncle was coming to get her. She sat frozen in her chair hoping it wasnt she was leaving school,she just wouldnt have to walk home that day. She sat there silently praying,her dream wasnt coming true. It wasnt one of the good kinds of dreams.

In this dream she lost of the most important people in her life,she saw the machines breathing for her,the tubes coming out of her,the way her once  shapely body was now frail yet swollen as it was shutting down on itself. She still saw the beauty that was within her,the once bright light in her eyes now dimmed but not fully gone.  Its an image that was forever burned into her mind well before she actually saw the scene.

 It was almost a sense of deja vu as she was walked up to the hospital room where she knew who was behind that door. She was ushered into a small ,windowless room packed with family in various states of emotion.Her father, the only one she told in this family about the dream had already stopped her prior to her going upstairs to say "you were right. you fucking knew it.I should have listened"  She walked out of that tiny room,down the hall where she saw another uncle standing.She knew already it was the right room. Walking in,she looked up at her ,leaned in,give her a kiss and said I love you to her mom for the last time

Today is another one of those days that I loathe coming each year. Ive always pushed everyone away,isolating myself because no one needs to see me like this.

I miss you mom. It never does get easier. I love you.

Reflections on this year

As i sit here and reflect on the massive turmoil that catapulted me into vast and much needed changes over the course of the last 12 months, I cant help but smile.

At this point last year I was wallowing in self loathing,dripping with disdain for who i was with and lying to myself constantly to attempt at peace keeping. I survived the most horrid time of year for me with a bleak outlook on any "future" i had. Drowning in depression I saw very little hope of any form of an out ever. My self esteem was in a pit so deep that it might as well have been buried.

I spent my days and nights hanging out with the few people who did understand, made me laugh and would help to ease the hurt i was in .It was those people,that group that eventually led me to where I am now.  Someone who was more of a friend by association ended up hanging around alot more,then he and i started talking alot even when not in game and with others.....

Which led to a crush,then a big mouthed sister saying something to him,him admitting it was a crush going both ways but my dumb ass never even considered that he would like me. No one likes me,not like that anyway,yet somehow he did. It wasn't long after that (and I mean minutes..) we were a thing. It became very serious,very committed ,fairly quickly but it was organic in its course. It was right,it happened naturally.

Eventually he found out how bad things were,how horrid my situation was. He heard things when my mic was on and i opened up alot to him.He heard me cry and he would play guitar to help calm me down or would just talk to me . Over a short period of time, we both realized how much more we meant to each other and how distance wasn't going to last. I was already taking the steps to finalize my situation and he was making the moves on his end to get us out here to him.

In August, we did it. I packed the van and drove off with the girls . Off to a new life, a new situation, a new world for us. We picked him up in Tennessee and from the moment I saw him it all clicked. This was right. I slept for the first time in years peacefully that night in his arms. I woke up rested and happy,smiling even though we still had a 3 day road trip ahead of us. It was something about him, about us that was just right. I worried I would be too touchy,cuddly, or physical ( I don't think Ive ever even admitted that to him ,even now)but I couldn't help it. There was something that happens when we touch. Even now, it still does. I cant adequately describe it,I just know its effective.

Were nearing the end of this year (and almost a full year as a couple ) and we've been through some hard shit already. We've came out the other side of it stronger as a unit ,knowing we will always have each others back if its needed.We've celebrated our first Christmas together,our birthdays together and will soon be each others first kiss for the new year.

As I think of that,there is only one other thought that crosses my mind:

I end this year in the arms of the man I will spend the rest of my years with and I cant imagine a better end to head into a new beginning.

<3
( My Song for Herby)