Reflections on this year

As i sit here and reflect on the massive turmoil that catapulted me into vast and much needed changes over the course of the last 12 months, I cant help but smile.

At this point last year I was wallowing in self loathing,dripping with disdain for who i was with and lying to myself constantly to attempt at peace keeping. I survived the most horrid time of year for me with a bleak outlook on any "future" i had. Drowning in depression I saw very little hope of any form of an out ever. My self esteem was in a pit so deep that it might as well have been buried.

I spent my days and nights hanging out with the few people who did understand, made me laugh and would help to ease the hurt i was in .It was those people,that group that eventually led me to where I am now.  Someone who was more of a friend by association ended up hanging around alot more,then he and i started talking alot even when not in game and with others.....

Which led to a crush,then a big mouthed sister saying something to him,him admitting it was a crush going both ways but my dumb ass never even considered that he would like me. No one likes me,not like that anyway,yet somehow he did. It wasn't long after that (and I mean minutes..) we were a thing. It became very serious,very committed ,fairly quickly but it was organic in its course. It was right,it happened naturally.

Eventually he found out how bad things were,how horrid my situation was. He heard things when my mic was on and i opened up alot to him.He heard me cry and he would play guitar to help calm me down or would just talk to me . Over a short period of time, we both realized how much more we meant to each other and how distance wasn't going to last. I was already taking the steps to finalize my situation and he was making the moves on his end to get us out here to him.

In August, we did it. I packed the van and drove off with the girls . Off to a new life, a new situation, a new world for us. We picked him up in Tennessee and from the moment I saw him it all clicked. This was right. I slept for the first time in years peacefully that night in his arms. I woke up rested and happy,smiling even though we still had a 3 day road trip ahead of us. It was something about him, about us that was just right. I worried I would be too touchy,cuddly, or physical ( I don't think Ive ever even admitted that to him ,even now)but I couldn't help it. There was something that happens when we touch. Even now, it still does. I cant adequately describe it,I just know its effective.

Were nearing the end of this year (and almost a full year as a couple ) and we've been through some hard shit already. We've came out the other side of it stronger as a unit ,knowing we will always have each others back if its needed.We've celebrated our first Christmas together,our birthdays together and will soon be each others first kiss for the new year.

As I think of that,there is only one other thought that crosses my mind:

I end this year in the arms of the man I will spend the rest of my years with and I cant imagine a better end to head into a new beginning.

<3
( My Song for Herby)

30 days of gratitude days 12 ~ 18

12 Jersey cotton. I find it so comforting
13.I guess my ability to read. I dont really have anything that I would consider a real ability
14. the sun. despite how much I love the rain its nice to see the sun sometimes (just not much k?)
15.fall. I love fall
16.I dont really have anything Im grateful for on my body. I hate my body
17.Despite the hell I went through to get it Im grateful forthe knowledge I have in regards to bad and abusive relationships.
18. pretty much anything by van gogh.

30 days of gratitude ~Days 1-11~

1 As weird as this will sound since I live in the PNW,but the smell of rain. I find it relaxing and refreshing all the same time.
2.Im most grateful for the Internet/my pc.Ive met my Anam Cara thanks to both as well as friends who have become family.
3.The color (and I know Ill get shit for this ) but rainbow.
4.Im fat....all of the food.
5.Music. It can bring back memories,create new ones, and be the best therapist ever.
6.Again, Rain. I love the darker days and the soothing sounds.
7.Every memory I have I am grateful for. There are some things I wish I could remember and some I wish I could forget,yet overall I am thankful I have the good ones I do.
8.It would be a book not many have heard of or even read but it was the one that made the biggest impression on me at a very young age. "Stephie cant come out to play"
9.Washington. I found my smile,my love and my happiness since Ive been here.
10. Chocolate. No explanation needed.
11. Halloween. I love it.

First 10 songs

Anyone who knows me, knows I love music and I listen to a wide varity of tunes. Its not unheard of for my ipod to go from heavy metal to pop to punk rock to country all within the same playlist. I grew up appreciating all genres and Im all the better for it. My demon spawn has been raised the same way,yet they know what they love and can sing along from current hits as well as shit thats older then I am. Its my way of giving them culture. 

Its not perfect but I can only give away so much of my perfection for fucks sake. 😜

"Put your Ipod on Shuffle . First 10 songs that play"

1. Fuck you by Sleeping with Sirens
2. You're gonna go far kid by The offspring
3.Revenge by P!nk
4. The ABC's of.... by Lords of Acid (a HUGE fave)
5.Call me Maybe by Upon this Dawning
6. Whore By In This Moment (another HUGE fave)
7 Get it wet by Twista
8.Fuck yourself by Halsey
9. Apocalyptic by Halestorm
10. 7 years by Lucas Graham

6 Months

I know, OMG 2 posts in one day WTF?!?!?

But there was a good reason.....See 6 months ago this happened.....

A Wolf and his kitty

Then just a few months ago (in August to be exact) this happened....

Still a Wolf and his kitty

We have been happily together now for 6 months as of today. It feels like so much longer, but its because we are such a good match together. I would have never suspected it when I met him,but I am so glad things have become what they have. 

I cant help but look forward to our forever. He is my forever,my love and my Wolf.

I love you Herby.

Possessions

What is your most prized possession?

I have several possessions I would consider prized and a few that were,yet are only a memory now. I would have to say my crystal bells are still a rather loved and cherished set of items I have. As well as my collection of fandom items that I have gathered over time.


 Why do you value it?

The bells were originally my mom's and were something I would consistently play with when they were on her nick knack shelves in the kitchen.
My fandom merch I cherish because of my Dad. Its not so much what the items are or even the fandoms they represent, but collecting was something he did. In his case it was Nascar merch and he had me help him with it. So every time I add more to my fandom stuff I think of him.

 How did you come across it?

Well the collections started a few years ago with a few my little pony items,then Doctor Who stuff got added in,followed by Supernatural merch and various Comic/gamer stuff.
My bells were given to me when I lost my dad as he knew it was something my mom would have wanted me to have since she knew how much I loved them.

Catch up and a glimpse into my head

I haven't really been writing lately......no where near as much as I normally do. Im sure none of you have really missed it as my life hasn't had a ton of updates. I started my new job ,well the training for it anyway. Im a billing specialist (basically Im the one you talk to when you call in about your bill) for Charter/spectrum. It has a lot of benefits that make getting yelled at sometimes from customers worth it. Its a lot of adulting for me,which may have had a small wall I hit when it came time to setting up my benefits.....I may have yelled for Herby and said "fix it,Im done adulting"

With that being said, I think Im gonna do a non adulting blog for a bit. Just some random topics and what not which as always Im open to suggestions or anything you want me to discuss, just shoot me a message.

Lets begin shall we? Today's topic :

Songs I listen to when I am:

• Happy - True love by P!nk, Look what you made me do by Taylor swift, In the air tonight (cover) in this moment, sex metal barbie by in this moment
• Sad - remember everything by FFDP,Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin,Rain By Breaking Benjamin, Snuff by Slipknot, Hate Me by Blue October, Through the Glass by Stone Sour
• Bored -Truthfully I have an entire playlist of various songs I listen to when Im bored.The list includes a little from every possible genre so its often been referred to as being bipolar.
• Hyped - Sorry not Sorry by Demi Lovato, New Rules by Dua Lipa,Whore by in this moment, Sick Like me by in this moment, The fighter by in this moment,apocalyptic by Halestorm,I will not bow by Breaking Benjamin
• Mad - The Thunder Rolls(cover)by all that remains, Big Bad Wolf by in this moment, Jekyll and Hyde by FFDP, War is the answer by FFDP,Boots and Blood by FFDP

That being said this is NOT an exhausted or complete list,its merely a small glimpse into my head as I build play lists. 

<3