Reputation

Im not even 100% sure where this is going to actually go but either way.....

I was talking to a friend earlier,someone whom I think is pretty fucking awesome. During the course of this conversation,ex's and reputations came up.It got me to thinking about alot of my ex's. (Jesus that makes it sound like ive had thousands or some shit) and I released that with each break up my reputation changed.

The reputation I had in high school of being the quiet,smart & scary girl changed after my split from the oldest dad. I was already well known,with my linage preceding me , but ended up with a name for myself after the girl he cheated on me with (yay for best friends *Sarcasm* ) decided to tell some girl that I was talking shit about her. She decided to confront me ,while I was in my 3rd lunch (I didnt see the point in study hall) and said how she heard I was talking shit about her. I didnt even bother looking up from my book when I said "Bitch I dont even know who you are to talk shit about you, but if you want me to I can." about that time my history teacher (who knew me very well) came over and sent us both to the dean. He preceded to tell us both how we are not going to fight on school property and all the normal bullshit so we left the office and agreed to meet at a park near my house after school. Her step sister found out she was meeting me,went home told her dad who came running up to the park to drag the girl away (my family had a reputation) . He got there,literally drug her away and reminded her who the hell we were.

My reputation changed thanks to that ex's new gf who was my ex best friend. She tried to get me jumped or my ass kicked and it backfired without me even having to get my hands dirty.It went around school rapidly and I never had another issue with that girl,hell we are even friends on FB now and when she had her baby she texted me pics.  That whole incident ended up leading me to another ex. One I ended up spending the better part of the last 19 years with off and on. I ended up dating that girls step sister for a long time and we are still friends. Some of the many break ups between she and I have gotten ugly,some weren't that bad. Each time,my reputation changed a little more or a new reputation was given among new people.

Im still dealing with the fall out from my most recent break up from the couple I was dating. Im finding out more and more as time apart happens. Loosing people I once considered friends,due to stories being told,gaining new friends who have taken the time to get to know me as opposed to listening to the drivel they are being fed. The first time I split from the male half of that couple,it broke me. Seriously did some damage and hurt like hell due to the bond I had with him. Its also why I was so willing to give him a second chance, this time with her. Ultimately,it was her that killed it. I loved her,I loved them both, but she was toxxic for me. It was sorta a running thing between us,I was  Harley ( short,psychotic,loyal and intelligent)  ,She was Ivy ( curvy,attention prone and poison) . I didnt realize how accurate that was in regards to me until well after the split. I was hopeful and still blinded by the love I had for them when I ended it. We ended as friends,with the goal of staying friends and nothing changing other then the titles we had for each other. That didnt happen. While it hurt the night we split, I didnt break this time. Everyone waited for it,but it never happened. Then things started getting back to me. Stories that were being spread,lies with bits of truth put in. I still didnt break,I ended up hurt,got angry,but never reacted. Just watched. I watched as she fell from the pedestal I had her on,watched as he slowly started disappearing from my mind,took note as the people I thought to be friends slowly turned their backs on me.

My reputation changed again,I could no longer say I was friends with the majority of my ex's (infact before them, there were only 2 who I was not friends with. 1 cheated on me repeatedly,abandoned me while pregnant with his child,then got popped for like underage girls. the 2nd would be the one who liked to beat the shit out of me,cheat on me, and do alot of other horrid things to me that still leave scars both inside and out) .I cant say that it bothers me either. In all honesty I really feel I would rather attempt to reconcile the friendship I had with my oldest's bio then to even think of counting a lying,manipulating,deceitful,ignorant female like her among those I hold close.I mourn the loss of the bond I had with him, but I presume that can be replaced and replicated just as easily as I was right?

Rayne