30 days 1-17

So Ive been meaning to do this since the 1st but yea......i suck. So Anyway......Heres the first 17 days of Thankfulness for November.

1~ PERSON~ I dont think there is a single person I am most thankful for. I think there are a bunch that have been there for me, loved me, taught me things and have grown to be huge parts of my heart. I am thankful for each of those who fall into that catagory and Im pretty sure they know who they are. If you arent sure, then ask me. We both know i will answer it either way.

2~ANIMAL~ I have a few animals. My Char Char Binks i will forever be thankful for. Shes always there when i need her or when i have food.She never fails to make me laugh even if i dont wanna. I have my ratties. Sadly Ive lost pond,river,derpy and weebles over the course of the last year. I still have my Storm,Oreo,Yin,Yang and Wobbles. They all have such unique personalities and are awesome little babies.

3~COZY PLACE~I am soooooooo  thankful for my bed.Its so cozy and comfortable.

4~FAVORITE SNACK~ I have a few of those.Green Olives,Tortilla Chips with my Cheese and salsa dip,&Parmesan peppercorn dip are just a few that i can think of off the top of my head.

5~PLACE~ Anywhere near the water. Tybee is probably my most favorite since its the ocean.

6~PAIR OF SHOES~ This bitch is almost always in some form of sandles.

7~SCENT~ Lavender or lilac. Its just so soothing and comforting.

8~RESTAURANT~ Fatz is probably my personally favorite.

9~BLOG/WEBSITE~ facebook or tumblr I think. They are both places for me to be able to talk to friends from all over the world and any time

10~TIME OF DAY~ late late at night. Its always so quite and peaceful

11~TRADITION~ The older Ive gotten the less these are even done anymore. The kids have no interest,John just doesnt want to or we are too busy. It barely even feels like the holidays this year even which is a mixed blessing.

12~GADGET~ My Ipod. Music = life

13~ SOMETHING OLD ~ Other then me? All the memories and experiences I have to hold on to

14~ SOMETHING NEW~ newly found friendships and new memories being made

15~ EXPERIENCE~ Despite the pain I ultimately endured, I am thankful for the experiences I had over the course of this last year. I felt love in ways I never had before,trusted people that I normally wouldnt have even let in and even found new capacities within myself for further loves in the future.

16~ RECIPE~ Im sorta known for my cheesecake recipe >:)

17~ STORE~ Torrid! I am so thankful for a store like Torrid where a fluffy girl like me can still be sexy and stylish while being affordable

Not much to say

Today isnt really that bad of a day. I slept til about 3,got up ,snagged a shower and havent done much since. Its a pretty bad pain day. Head keeps trying to turn into a migraine but Ive managed to avoid that so far. My back is just hurting,ALOT. It hurts to sit,to stand,to walk, to breathe.I cant get comfy no matter what I do. Advil and Flexeril are not much help at all,neither was the norco.

Other then physical pain,things are going good. I miss seeing the Daddyface,but I understand. I just dont like it lol. I need more time with him. Ive found my jealousy rearing its ugly head ,since there is a lack of quality Daddy/babygirl time. Over the stupidest things too. I dont open up my mouth about them but yea, its been happening more frequently lately.

On the plus side, its almost to that point in the year when I will do the 30 days of thanks blog. Hopefully it will be entertaining or at the very least interesting.
Until next time.

Life as I currently know it.

Its been a bit again......primarily due to life running off in its own direction again. I barely got settled back in and started getting used to being alone again when all the sudden there was a a damn hurricane to deal with.We survived it with almost no damage at all. Minor cosmetic shit to the landscaping but thats it. Ended up without power f or a couple days but nothing we couldnt handle.
Next we had another blow up with the oldest,only this time it resulted in him being arrested.Not sure where that will all fall once it does since its still in process.
Then of course there was shit happening in SL.......I lost 2 people that I loved completely,finally taking that final step and removing them from my life in every way. Then I started working on healing. I was starting to settle in,grew the family a little bit more,found myself caring about people and even about the things I was doing. Yet as always, It was stupid of me to do so. I was betrayed and stabbed in the back and it led to me going on to explore new ventures yet again. Like the kitten I am,I landed on my feet but not without some scratches and battle damage. Ive spent the last month forcing a smile,but the last few days its been even harder then normal. Adding to it what time of year it is and Im pretty sure Im heading into a horrid downward spiral . I dont see there being any way to avoid it,so Im just going to suffer through it like normal,hoping that it wont be any worse this year then it has been in recent history.

Lost and Found

Ive been fairly silent for a little bit now,I was sorta lost I guess in some ways. Cycling,dealing with a break up and the inevitable aftermath/fallout that happens kinda threw me off kilter for a bit.It was a loss and a shitty one at that. I considered them to be two of my best friends, people who I let in and thought were close to me,but like everyone else....they left.It hurt,still does on some levels,and in all honesty probably will for awhile until I fully heal.

Yet,Ive noticed despite that loss,Ive started to find my self again. Ive found the smile that started to fade the longer I was with them. Ive found .well more like reconnected, with my family again and even increased it in size. Ive found that side of me that I put on a shelf so that I didnt make her feel threatened by me (although that was pointless,jussayin) being a part of his life. Ive found things that make me happy to do and re-immersed myself in things I forgot that entertained me.Most importantly though, Ive found that while I do miss the connection I had with him and with her,I can form connections with others who fullfill what holes they seem to have left behind.


I dont want anyone to ever think I regret being with him or being with her,nor do I regret any aspect of the relationship. Ive grown from it,learned from it, and feel I have become an even better person. Giving him the chances I did was unusual for me but I felt that pull to him. I had to explore it. I am thankful ,though it was a rough road, that I was able to do so. Doing so helped me to learn more about various aspects of non traditional relationships and reaffirmed many beliefs I already had in place.

so basically ,yes I hurt,but I have a lot of gratitude towards them for all of the lessons learned and previous thoughts confirmed. I lost them,but seem to have found myself once again.

Mine

One simple word "Mine". What does that single word mean to you?

Mine.A simple word really,yet one that has so much meaning to a girl like me.To have someone who wants you so completely that they utter that word,that they choose to willingly take that possession, its a feeling I struggle to explain with words.
I love hearing how I am his,hearing things like"Mine" ,"My babygirl","My princess" ETC. It fills me with pride,almost like a reassurance that I am doing something right. I love it. I crave it. I thrive and blossom when I hear it. In fact almost always upon hearing such things I am pretty much thrown into little space instantly. I feel as if  when I hear it, Im being claimed,not just my body but my soul. 

Make it obvious

I saw this pic a couple days ago,saved it and put it in here then left it so I could try to think on what I wanted to say.

I think this applies to all relationships,not just ones in which there are romantic overtones but friendships as well. You should never make the person or people you love and care about feel like an option. No one likes to feel forgotten,ignored or unimportant to the person they care deeply about. In this day and age,communication is instantaneous,eliminating any real excuse for allowing someone to feel anything less then cherished.

It takes hardly any effort to make it obvious to the person or people you care about that you want them in your life, that you value their spot in your world. A message,a note, a check in on them take nothing more then a few moments of your time,which while it is precious and limited for most,if the person or people are important to you then using a few of those precious moments means all that more to the person who means so much to you.

I know from experience how much that hurts. I also know how fortunate I am to have people in my life who do go out of their way to make it so obvious they want me in their lives. I try to do the same for them. I may not always succeed,god knows I fuck up ALOT , but I can honestly say I do my damnedest to make sure those I love know just how grateful I am for them being in my life. I dont want anyone I care about,that I love, to ever feel the things I have.

What is it you want from your S/O and what do you want to give to your S/O?

What is it you want from your S/O and what do you want to give to your S/O? 

Honesty,openness,an open mind,love,affection,attention,some semblance of control and reoccurance/follow through is really all I want. I know its asking for alot and I dont nessarily deserve all of it .However it is what I want. In many ways its what I need.

What do I want to give my S/o? The world. I would give him everything I can within my power to do so without hesitation.If they are dealing with me in all my clingy and needy ways then why wouldnt I offer everything in return?