So tired

I am so tired.
Not sleepy kinda tired,but physically,mentally and emotionally tired.
I'm in constant pain,medication isn't working at all hardly and I'm on some strong stuff. I've got surgery coming up that ends all ability at reproduction. I keep getting asked if I'm OK with it,if I'm handling it OK. I don't know. I don't have a choice really do I? I'm just tired. I've got court coming up. Kevin wants to end the support he doesn't pay and wants to try and take my son from me. I don't want to deal with him. He doest even call to talk to the kids are see how they are. Hasn't paid support to help with their care since April,even telling me to go fuck myself when I went to him to help with uniforms for the kids. I dont want to deal with this stuff. I'm just tired.I've got meetings to get Mya help.Doctor's appointments that are sure to follow,just to find out if something is wrong and to make our plans on how to address it. More people,more things to do,more descions to make.....Im so tired though. At some point I am to start physical therapy for my back and to make a plan on what to do about my back,more appointments and possibly more surgery....Im too tired just thinking about it.
I just want to sleep. Sleep through all of the courts,doc appointments,meetings,hell even the holidays and wake up on the other side of it with everything being just peachy.

It wont happen. It cant.

So Ill continue to move forward. Smile through the pain,wipe the tears and keep going. Toss it all deep down and keep marching.Its what I do and how it has to be done. Such is life right?

Maybe I can still squeeze in a nap though.

L