Not everyone knows why I hate Christmas,though everyone who knows me knows I do in fact detest Christmas with unbridled passion.
I used to love Christmas. I was a mommy's and Daddys girl and the baby in the family. I was a rather spoiled girl on the holidays. Even when momma got sick,she went out of her way to still help spoil me. She made Dad hunt all over for the right stereo ,the perfect airbrush set up, and beauty and the beast on video. The last one was the hardest for him ,since it was sold out everywhere. A week before Christmas she sent her nurse to a store ( I legit have no idea which one since it was downtown Chicago) to buy a copy of it and even threatened that nurse about what would happen if she came back without it. ( Sick or not, pissing off a southern woman is never a bright idea. She will beat your ass and you will end up thanking her for it after wards) The nurse did not fail and that weekend when I came up to the hospital to visit we celebrated Christmas. Little did anyone know ,it would be her last. January 6th,a little over a week later, I was pulled out of school to go say good bye to my mom. I was 11.
That would be enough to make anyone dislike Christmas right? Flash forward some years later, I'm grown (physically anyway) with 4 kids and a brand new husband (we got married in September) . I logged into myspace ( remember when that was still a huge thing) and had a message from my brother in law that my sister is trying to get ahold of me. I didn't think much of it, It was 3 days before Christmas I figured maybe she wanted to say hi to the demon spawn before they go to the ex's for the holiday. I guess I should insert at this point, I don't talk to my siblings much. Typically holiday phone calls (or as of the last few years, texts) and that's about it.
I'm sitting at my computer ,grab the phone and call her.She immediately picks up the phone and asks if I'm sitting down. I said yea, I'm fat its sorta what I excel at. She responds with "Dad's gone" to which I reply "to got see Betty and them again?" It didn't immediately click for me what she meant,despite knowing my Daddy was well up there in age ( I was the WTF happened baby. They had 3 kids,mom got fixed then 10 years later I showed up cuz her getting fixed didn't stick) She said "No, he had a brain aneurysm and a massive heart attack. They aren't sure which happened first without the autopsy being complete.George (the next door neighbor ) found him when he stopped by Your voice mail was the last thing he heard ,he still had the message open on his pc where he was telling his friends his baby just got married." I sat back in my chair,I guess I had some kind of look or something on my face cuz John turned around from whatever he was doing in WOW and said whats wrong. I waved him away because I knew if I said it,I would loose it. I finished talking to my sister ,getting whatever details I could,then hung up. I looked over at John ,who was still staring at me, and told him "The headaches were more then just headaches and his heart said fuck you again".I broke down at that point. My Daddy was gone and it was 3 days before Christmas.
So try to understand when I spend most of the holiday in some form of inebriated state,battling the sadness in ways that are alot cheaper then most prescription medications, that its a really hard time of year for me. Im naturally chemically imbalanced and the holiday season makes it even worse. Yes I toss on a bullshit smile,bake,cook,decorate and make memories but its for the kids. I can look back at my childhood and remember all those awesome times (like mom getting drunk after dad made her one rum and coke and her trying to play mall madness with me. BTW that game is SOOOO much more fun when you have a drunken southern woman yelling at the bank to give her her damn money) and I want the kids to be able to do that too. Although it would take alot more then one drink for me(yay for dads genetics)
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