Trying is hard

   Trying is hard....so is change. I want to let it all go and try to move on,yet Ive now been awake since yesterday morning.I wasn't able to sleep at all tonight....or should I say last night.Ive always had a problem sleeping before my visits with the kids(typically I'm too amped up ,I miss them terribly) but last night,I even closed my eyes for 2 seconds in an attempt to try and sleep and I saw things I thought I had let go a long time ago.The silent screams,the names,the hiding in a room,the box cutters.....


   I thought i had moved past the nightmares,dreams and flashbacks.i guess i haven't.I don't know how to even begin to.Ive been in therapy for years,since shortly after i left him.I've done everything that I've read or been told to do.....apparently its not worked for me.so at this point,I'm out of ideas. i guess its back to square one.....wish me luck

Letha