Saturday, July 21, 2012

And so I return

Its been a while since I've posted I see. Granted getting things back to the way they were has been a bit of a chore and a touch on the time consuming side.
The kids are back to normal, their old selves emerging after being hidden for a year. Ky is heading into 8th grade now and already set up to be the wide receiver on the football team. Mary and Jr are heading in to 6th grade,first year in JR high! god I feel old..... Mya is the last elementary school hold out. 3rd grade and in a all new school ,here close to the house. She went there once before when we lived with Alyssa,maybe she will decide to take Spanish again.


As for me and John....well we're good. Our relationship has never been stronger. He left burger king and that           combined with my inability to find a job has placed us in a financial burden but we will over come it. We are still holding on to the hope of moving south when its time for us to be called that way.


The ex.....well hes a douche-nugget. He was fine at first when we got the kids back,then him and kyle had a falling out (throwing a full unopened can at a child's face and busting his lip then telling him hes lucky that he didn't place him in foster care last year will do that to a kid.) which resulted in Kyle refusing to go back over there. Kyle hasn't went since December to see him. Fast forward a little bit to today shall we?


Yesterday I got the papers in the mail I was expecting since roughly November when full custody was re awarded to me.The state is taking him back to court for child support. Got the order to appear yesterday in the mail,for the 7th @ 11:30. I knew how this was gonna play out,as its happened quite a bit since I left him in 2005. I didn't expect the call I got today. 


I take the kids and head to Farmers Market like i do every Saturday morning,this particular one they are closing down high st (the main street downtown) for kids day as well shortly after the market so its gonna be an all day thing.Well Market was just wrapping up for us,so we were taking our things to the truck. My phone rang but I didn't hear it I looked up and seen Jr on the phone. Ky looks at me and says "its Kevin" so I shrug and say ok. Jr talked for a few,then handed the phone to Mary. Mary starts getting upset and agitated to the point I ask whats up. She starts telling me about some pictures on her facebook that Kevin is yelling at her about,she finally just flips (and I swear turns into a mini me) and says "why don't you just talk to mom " and hands me the phone. I get on and say yea? He then proceeds to tell me how he doesn't appreciate the pictures that are on Mary's facebook. I said "what are you talking about? " he said" there are a bunch of half naked girls on her facebook wall" I said "well I haven't seen anything like that,Mary hasn't used her fb since right before her bday party" he goes"well they are there" I respond with "well it might be shit others have tagged her in or something. Ill take a look and fix it when I get home" he says " well I'm fucking looking at them on her wall and why are you letting others tag her" I go " uhhh I cant stop the actions of others,I'm not quiet that powerful yet" he then decides to drop all niceness (well niceness for him) " look bitch fucking fix it now. (without pausing to breathe I'm pretty sure) why the fuck is your whore ass going after my money again? john cant take care of you? I told your stupid ass not to fuck with child support you dumb bitch." at this point I interject and point out " I had nothing to do with it....did ya notice the state is the one who filed? " he replies"I don't give a fuck. your whore ass sure as fuck will be the one spending it though"  I reply with "yea well if you actually pay anything this time,I will.....I mean the kids aren't exactly working and making a living for themselves yet they do need shit still right?"  I guess that pushed a button,oddly without me meaning to, cuz next thing I hear is a full description of where I am,who I'm with,what I'm wearing and what I am doing while talking to him . It was a show of his control and an attempt to freak me out.


It worked......at first.See I lived in fear while married to him,in even more fear when I left him. He stalked me for the better part of 3 years after I left him. He broke into my apartments,got private and hidden cell phone information and addresses even when there was protective orders in place....I mean it was really all around bad. Truthfully for about 45 mins I was falling back into that fear role,that scared little girl who was abused,raped,beaten and that he had tried to kill in front of our kids.


Then something clicked.....I'm not her anymore. Yea I cant have legally recognized weapons (damn probation) but I can pretty much turn anything into a weapon (my probation officer actually finds this amusing) . I went through the worst hell I could ever imagine 2 years ago. I lost my home,my kids,my animals and attempted to loose my life by my own hand. I survived that,fought and got my kids back ,fought and got a home for us (even if it is an apartment not a house with yard) and will eventually get complete control back over everything. Hell Ive got my PO saying if I can come up with the 2K for restitution by Dec,she will put in for early release from probation for me.


I will be damned if that stuttering,Hitler looking baboon ass is gonna have a damn say in anything I do. I will be damned if that ignorant ,immoral ass hat will have the ability to scare me ever again. and Ill be damned if I wont whoop a mans ass (or in his case a scared little boy) if he even thinks of trying that shit again.