I am so tired.
Not sleepy kinda tired,but physically,mentally and emotionally tired.
I'm in constant pain,medication isn't working at all hardly and I'm on some strong stuff. I've got surgery coming up that ends all ability at reproduction. I keep getting asked if I'm OK with it,if I'm handling it OK. I don't know. I don't have a choice really do I? I'm just tired. I've got court coming up. Kevin wants to end the support he doesn't pay and wants to try and take my son from me. I don't want to deal with him. He doest even call to talk to the kids are see how they are. Hasn't paid support to help with their care since April,even telling me to go fuck myself when I went to him to help with uniforms for the kids. I dont want to deal with this stuff. I'm just tired.I've got meetings to get Mya help.Doctor's appointments that are sure to follow,just to find out if something is wrong and to make our plans on how to address it. More people,more things to do,more descions to make.....Im so tired though. At some point I am to start physical therapy for my back and to make a plan on what to do about my back,more appointments and possibly more surgery....Im too tired just thinking about it.
I just want to sleep. Sleep through all of the courts,doc appointments,meetings,hell even the holidays and wake up on the other side of it with everything being just peachy.
It wont happen. It cant.
So Ill continue to move forward. Smile through the pain,wipe the tears and keep going. Toss it all deep down and keep marching.Its what I do and how it has to be done. Such is life right?
Maybe I can still squeeze in a nap though.
L
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Its been awhile
My fears almost always are well placed.
I have court in a couple hours.....Modification of child support and an attempt to take my son from me. He had the papers for this and the accusations that my son claimed he wanted to live with him drawn up on June 26th. Conveniently the same day I wrote about my fears of them going up there.They weren't filed until about a month later,hence then September court date.He hasn't spoken to the kids in forever ,removed them from face book and hasn't paid child support since April......admits to not being employed but wants custody of my son while ending child support for the girls. Seriously....let that one sink in for a minute. Luckily for me,I think the judge has done an overview on the case and already sees through his bull. She gave me permission to participate by phone,and he has no idea.
And because when life goes screwy for me,it does it huge....
I have to have a hysterectomy soon. I go the 19th to schedule it and then go under the knife shortly after that. Ive also got an MRI scheduled for my back so we know wtf is going on there and just how much damage my first marriage did to me physically. There is a possibility for surgery there too,but we don't know anything for certain until the MRI happens. Really huge down side? Its a closed MRI. I'm not so good with confined spaces.Ill also have to start physical therapy soon. again,pending results of the MRI.
The dreams are happening again too.....and still really accurate as shown by the call I got last week.Me going for a run (voluntarily none the less) with my brother who's on the other side of the country......Then being woke up my Tequila playing on my phone.(his ring tone when he texts me). Then he calls me and we talk for a bit. Some news shared between us,some of which isn't my place to talk about at the moment. Alot of laughs shared,cuz that how we both react to stressful shit.And I haven't gotten a phone call from him since,so I'm holding on to the old saying of no news is good news. I still stand by him needing to bring his ass out here to visit me though.
:)
me
I have court in a couple hours.....Modification of child support and an attempt to take my son from me. He had the papers for this and the accusations that my son claimed he wanted to live with him drawn up on June 26th. Conveniently the same day I wrote about my fears of them going up there.They weren't filed until about a month later,hence then September court date.He hasn't spoken to the kids in forever ,removed them from face book and hasn't paid child support since April......admits to not being employed but wants custody of my son while ending child support for the girls. Seriously....let that one sink in for a minute. Luckily for me,I think the judge has done an overview on the case and already sees through his bull. She gave me permission to participate by phone,and he has no idea.
And because when life goes screwy for me,it does it huge....
I have to have a hysterectomy soon. I go the 19th to schedule it and then go under the knife shortly after that. Ive also got an MRI scheduled for my back so we know wtf is going on there and just how much damage my first marriage did to me physically. There is a possibility for surgery there too,but we don't know anything for certain until the MRI happens. Really huge down side? Its a closed MRI. I'm not so good with confined spaces.Ill also have to start physical therapy soon. again,pending results of the MRI.
The dreams are happening again too.....and still really accurate as shown by the call I got last week.Me going for a run (voluntarily none the less) with my brother who's on the other side of the country......Then being woke up my Tequila playing on my phone.(his ring tone when he texts me). Then he calls me and we talk for a bit. Some news shared between us,some of which isn't my place to talk about at the moment. Alot of laughs shared,cuz that how we both react to stressful shit.And I haven't gotten a phone call from him since,so I'm holding on to the old saying of no news is good news. I still stand by him needing to bring his ass out here to visit me though.
:)
me
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