Lifestyle Dynamic and Love

Did you first enter into a dynamic right away before falling in love? Did you do so with a contract? Did you do so after vetting? Did you do so with a period of consideration?

Or

Did you first fall in love based on a friendship you had developed with a potential then develop a contract and enter a into a contract?

Or 

Do you believe a D/S or M/S or even S/M should or should not be based on love?

When I first started to explore the lifestyle I was already in love with the Man who would become my Dom.I fell in love based on the friendship that sprung forth from meeting the first time and it sorta naturally progressed into a relationship which then continued to evolve into the dynamic. 

I honestly believe (and least for me) being in love enhances the lifestyle . However I am aware for some that wouldnt be the case and Im pretty sure depending on the dynamic of the said relationship it might even be frowned upon. I am a babygirl. Granted I am a bratty babygirl who isnt always the most obideient,but for me loving my Daddy is just a natural part of the dynamic ,of the lifestyle that I hold is such high regard.

Checking in with your Dom

 Does your Dominant want to know everything about your day? Do they check on you? Do they ask where you are and what your doing? Do you have to update them regularly throughout the day? Why do you think that is?

Another good question asked in the group I belong to that I decided to turn into a post on here.

As of now, noone is that interested in my day. Hell Im not even that interested in my day. I would love it though if there was more of an interest,more checking in,more curiosity in general. Especially now that we see each other even less. It would make some of the distance/lack of time together a little better to deal with I feel.In the past we have tried different programs/apps that we used on our phones/tablets just for checking in and what not. Im tempted to bring those back up and maybe try them again. Maybe its just time to sit down and talk about what we need and want ,where we need things to go.

If your current relationship ended, would you seek another D/s again?

If your current relationship ended, would you seek another D/s again?

I dont know. I wasnt seeking one when I stumbled into what Ive had. I cant say I wouldnt ever seek D/s again,its too integral of a part of me. I can say that it would be a long time before I ever went down that road again,willingly giving my submission to anyone. I would have to protect myself as a babygirl first and bluntly there arent many who are worthy of a babygirl,even if it is just a girl like me.

technology limits

Do you have limits and restrictions on technology? Can you watch as much TV as you want, use the Internet however you’d like or do you have rules to follow as to their use?





No I dont have any limits and restrictions at the moment. I work from the PC typically so its sorta difficult for there to be restrictions on it. As of now I can do as I wish in regards to electronics and the like.
I did at one point have limits. Things changed,roles shuffled around and reevaluations are slowly happening. 
At some point,however, I would love to see restrictions in place again. Im a babygirl in pretty much every sense of the word. Without rules,without guidelines, Im lost. I need the structure,I crave the sense of accomplishment I get from doing as I am told and the pleasure I am able to bring to my Daddy by doing so. Not to mention it keeps my brain sorta occupied ,something that is always needed.

just a dream

She was scared. She was happier then she had been in a long time,felt more complete then ever but still in the back of her mind so sure she would screw it up some how like always. With deep trepidation,she still went forward....

The moment their hands touched it was as if every fear,every worry,every doubt, melted away. It was as if she was right where she belonged.She was madly in love with her. She had been for quite some time now,but for some reason in this moment it seemed bigger,more real, then ever.

Things didnt start off easy.Nothing in her life really ever has.Yet despite the hell they went through ,and they have went through some, she was right by her side. Keeping her strong, being her voice of reason or her voice of anger,depending on the situation. They were a team,an amazing one at that.

Smiling at her as they danced,she pulled her closer as she gazed into the beautiful hazel eyes before her. "Mo Anam Cara, I love you" she whispered softly before kissing the luscious pout of her gorgeous,smiling girlfriend.

She woke with a start,her heart racing.Sadness creeping in,taking over as she gained more awareness."It was just a dream.....Always just a dream." she said to herself as she pulled the blanket up tighter,wiping away the tears.

So...Saturday night....

Ive been pretty moody lately. I mean seriously they have been all over the place,before finally settling in a place of depression which made me a pretty ugly emotional wreck. The hubby noticed and decided to intervene.Which led to Saturday night.

Saturday night was a first for me......in a few ways really.

I went on a dinner and dancing date in SL with all of my partners. I had a really good time. I got to dress up,dance with my beautiful girlfriend,my sexy boyfriend and my handsome husband. I felt like a very lucky girl. Even more so since I know how much pain the boyfriend was in while sitting at his desk (he's got a hurt ankle/foot).

After we logged for the night,I asked the hubby if he could come cuddle with me until i fell asleep. He is starting a new overnight position so he has to work on staying up all night. He said sure then climbed in and got everything ready while I was shutting my PC down. I climbed in and curled up like I always do. He started rubbing my back and head (I had a headache trying to start) ,one thing led to another (damn neck biting is always a weakness) and we started fooling around.

I dont know what got into me or what made me offer,but I asked him if he wanted to get my play collar (its a leather collar thats used when sceneing) and leash. I have never been leashed before,well not in RL anyway. He said yes ,very enthusiastically might I add, and grabbed them while I pulled my hair up into a pony tail out of the way.

The moment the collar was on and the leash clicked in place was almost surreal.He pulled the leash tight,bringing me close to him. As he slid into my mouth,he used the strap of the leach to smack my ass. He pulled me to the floor,stepping on the end of the leash,near where it connected to my collar so my face was down with my ass in the air as he swatted it with the leather of the 6 foot leash.He had me crawl back onto the bed before he entered me from behind,pulling the leash tightly,restricting my air flow before loosening his grip to let me catch my breath.It was amazing and perfect. It was something I never knew I needed or wanted. But I know for damn sure,I want it again.

Things to know about littles

I stumbled across this picture and it resonated rather deeply with me. Even more so today when I've been an emotional mess for some fucking reason. Well to be more honest, I know why, now, but that's not what this one is about now is it?

No this is about littles and littles with guarded hearts. A little with a guarded heart is one who has been hurt,often deeply, who more often then not requires more from their Caregiver(s) . I'm using the term Caregivers simply out of courtesy to those who are Mommies as well as Daddies,same reason I am choosing to use the term little as opposed to babygirl or babyboy.

1.They are strong because they can take care of themselves,but their heart is soft.

There are alot of littles who wear their heart on thier sleeve,but there are some who dont. More often then not these littles are labeled as brats or looked down upon as not being "little enough". Just because a little is a little rough around the edges or makes you work to get close to them does not mean they arent a little.Typically they are harder or bratty as a form of self preservation but once you get in there is no end to the love that little will exude.Its been my experience that the hardest path taken is often the most rewarding.

2.Dont just tell them they are beautiful,show them.

Ive known alot of littles,rare is the one who thinks highly of themselves. Besides who wouldnt want to hear how you see them? They may argue or deny it,but I promise its something that boosts them higher even at times when they dont realize they need it.

3.They need lots of reassurance and nurturing.

Littles for the most part have alot of self doubt. We tend to think the worst,to the point of fear at times and often to our own detriment. Our little brains are our worst enemy.Reassuring your little of how much they mean to you,how much you love them or even that you missed them when you've been apart can change those fears and worries into giggles. There really isn't such a thing as too much when it comes to handling a little who's been hurt before. 

4.Never let them feel like they are alone.

This one seems pretty self explanatory. Obviously as grown people with lives to lead you wont be with your little 24-7,but little messages or random check ins when they aren't expected can get rid of a case of the loneliness very quickly.

5.They are very perceptive and if they think there is something wrong with their Caregiver they may assume it is their fault and they will isolate because they think they have done wrong. 

Littles seem to be able to show more empathy then any others Ive ever known. They can sense something is wrong with someone they care for even without seeing them or at times even hearing them.If something is wrong,spend a few minutes reassuring your little that it isn't their fault,that they have done nothing wrong. Something as simple as a few words while cuddling or giving them a hug with a few minutes of your time. Who's knows it might do both of you some good.

6.Know when its time for punishment ,but also when its time for cuddles and love.

Littles love cuddles and love from their caregivers! I know, shock right? However there is a need for punishment as well at times. It seems to be common among those in the lifestyle to forget the punishment part of being a caregiver. You are responsible for that little. You ,as a caregiver, are supposed to provide that structure and discipline that they need. Without it, they often are left to feel lost and alone,which is scary as hell for any little.

7.They should know how much they are loved and how much they are needed.They should feel like a priority for you.

So,this one I reworded. As a caregiver you should ALWAYS make sure your little knows that they are loved and needed by you. They should feel like a priority for you. I don't agree with the way the picture words it simply due to reality . I know ,despite me being a little, I wont come first and foremost for my caregiver. There are kids,bills,jobs,other adult shit that takes precedence over me,but that would be where the reassurance and some of the other points would come in. A caregiver can make their little feel like they are a priority in their life.The point isn't that the little should be first,but the little should never be left to feel like an after thought.

These are just my thoughts on this stuff. Doesn't mean I'm right or that it would apply to all,its all based off what applies to me.

Bratty or obedient?

Are you a quiet obedient submissive or is there an element of playful brattiness in your dynamic? How does your owner encourage or enhance who you are?

For me,it sorta just depends. I can be one of the most obedient,loyal,loving,almost slave like submissive or I can be one of the biggest,mouthiest,bratty baby girls around.More often then not,I tend to float somewhere in the middle of the two. I typically am a obedient brat.Its been a long running joke that I am described as selectively submissive. Rare is the person who can bring the submissive side out of me,even more rare is the one who will take the time to actually try to control a baby girl like me.

I don't know that I can say its encouraged or anything of that nature. I would have to say its more or less just accepted as part of me and how I am. I don't know that anything I do should ever be encouraged truthfully. I'm needy and a handful as is ,encouraging my already questionable behavior could prove to become more then anyone would want to deal with. 

On the other hand, I would love opportunities or ways to enhance my submissive side. I would love to be more submissive or rather be able to explore my submission in a more immersive manner. The issue is always structure,rules,guidelines and enforcing those things. That's typically the area where most fail or things fall short.

What would you change?

What change would you like to make in your sexual attitudes or thoughts?

I struggled when I stumbled on this one. I tend to write these posts in the vein of brutal honesty,often to my own embarrassing detriment and given the mood I've been in today I wasn't sure I wanted to do that today. Sure I could have just skipped writing anything, wouldn't have been abnormal for me to miss a day or so right? Yet i decided against that,as I have slowly been trying to get back into the habit of daily or almost daily writing of some sort. Some days are obviously better then others. 

Either way, to the chosen topic at hand.....

I don't know if its really a change I want or just something that would be more convenient for me. I kinda wish I was less sexual. I would love it if less of my self worth was tied into my sexuality. I guess my blunt answer to the question is really I would change my sexual nature completely. I would change how often i do think about sex and how often I want it. There are times where I am truly envious of those who are asexual. There is actually times where I miss how damn depressed I was several years ago where I went almost 2 years with no need for sexual contact at all. I was depressed, but in alot of way hurt less. Which Im aware makes no sense to most people, but then again when the hell do I ever make sense to anyone? 

Moods and submission

I really am finding alot of inspiration from one of the groups I'm in on FB,Today one of the topics brought up (and I'm only really discussing the part that would be applicable to me) was :

"Does your mood affect your submission such as if you are in a bad mood do you/or would you pull back your submission from your Dominant? "

Mood effects everything in my opinion,sometimes inadvertently.I know when Im in a bad or off mood I tend to bottle things up or hold back rather then lash out. Although there have been times where I've lashed out too. As someone who in a constant battle with depression as well as bipolar (and a few other stigma inducing words), my moods often fluctuate. This is something that not only effects my D/s relationship but all relationships I have. For someone like me, its not always something that I can control or even know why I'm feeling whatever it is I am feeling. Any Dominant that would ever have anything to do with a girl like me ,with issues like mine, would have to understand that. They would need patience and an ability to get the sub to talk/open up. Punishment ,while admittedly would be understandable for bad behavior, might not be as effective immediately. At times it may exacerbate the issue at hand. The best course of action is always to get to the bottom of whatever is triggering the behavior,discuss it patiently,and assign repercussions after wards. At least theoretically that's the best course of action and naturally it wouldn't apply to the brat type of sub who's just being bratty without there being any other cause behind it.As a Dominant it would be on you to know the difference between bratty behavior as a result of being a brat and brat like behavior due to having something wrong. Either way, realistically moods effect every aspect of your life. Good mood usually equates to a good day,Bad mood typically results in the opposite. So I would have to say yes. My mood,the way I'm feeling ,definitely effects my submission or how submissive I may be at that time. For me, its a matter of the Dominant recognizing this and addressing it appropriately for the situation at hand. Something so simple could be the key to coaxing me back out from the rock I hide behind like a scared kitten.

Submissive needs

"A submissive has needs"

"What are some of your needs as a submissive?"

The topic came across in one of the groups Im in on facebook. When I seen it, I was sorta smacked with a reality. I dont think Ive ever discussed my needs as a submissive. Ive always worried about caring for and making sure my Dom's needs were met. I guess in many ways I have managed to neglect myself ( I know a shock to any of those who actually know me *Sarcasm*) and as a result perhaps led to my own unhappiness/lack of fulfillment in many ways.

So what are some of the needs I have as a submissive?

This has not been an easy topic to think on. I loathe introspection. My brain works at a scary pace and can be a dark place so i try my best to stay out of it as much as possible.However when Im writing something like this, its rather impossible to stay out I suppose.

~I need to feel safe

** I struggle with trust issues. I admit to it. I need to feel safe enough that I can open up to you and know that you wont hurt me in anyway. Opening up as a submissive is hard enough due to the amount of vulnerability that is shown,I need to know I can trust you with the most sensitive side to me.

~I need consistency

** I need that comfort thats found in having the known happen as a result of an action.This sorta ties into the next one in a way.

~I need structure

** I need the rules,the structure,the consiquences. and I need them enforced on a regular basis. I know Im a brat and I will push just to see what I can get away with, but I need that wall there to push against that wont give way like a crumbling foundation.

~I need affection

** This one might be a bit more of a surprise for those who think they know me.Ive been told on more then one occasion I come off as a bitch . Ive been told numerous times that when people first meet me they get the vibe to go the other direction ,almost as if a warning of danger. Reality is Im a needy babygirl who wants loved on ,cuddled,hugged,petted,kissed...... I need affection. I crave it. Physical ,emtional and verbal even. Being told when they heard a song or seen something ,I came to mind will give me a smile that lasts for hours and makes me feel so loved (not to mention safe).

~I need time

** I dont need all of your time but I do need some. I dont like feeling like an afterthought or an obligation. I need to know you want that time with me as much as I want it with you. Sometimes alone,sometimes with friends,but I need time.

~I need to feel valued and wanted

**  This one is really hard,simply because I have rather low self worth and struggle to understand why anyone would want me. I need you to push to make me see myself the way you do. I need to know you value me and want me but I also need you to show me that. 

~I need your approval and reassurance

** This sorta ties in with the low self esteem. I need to be reassured on a variety of things often. I need to hear how you think I look,how much you love what Ive done,what Im wearing, the things Ive shared with you. I need you to tell me I did a good job or that Im a good girl. I need to know if I open up that you are going to be proud of me. I need you to be honest with me when you do so though. If I look like crap or I shared something with you I wrote and it sucked......I need you to tell me so. Its the only way I can improve myself and I want to be the best I can be,for both of us.

I know there should be more and I might go back and edit or rewrite this when/if I think of more. At the moment though,I think this is enough of a look into my head. I dont know, maybe my needs are weird or not common. I know a few are probably a surprise to some,but very few read the stuff I write anyway .