Today isnt really that bad of a day. I slept til about 3,got up ,snagged a shower and havent done much since. Its a pretty bad pain day. Head keeps trying to turn into a migraine but Ive managed to avoid that so far. My back is just hurting,ALOT. It hurts to sit,to stand,to walk, to breathe.I cant get comfy no matter what I do. Advil and Flexeril are not much help at all,neither was the norco.
Other then physical pain,things are going good. I miss seeing the Daddyface,but I understand. I just dont like it lol. I need more time with him. Ive found my jealousy rearing its ugly head ,since there is a lack of quality Daddy/babygirl time. Over the stupidest things too. I dont open up my mouth about them but yea, its been happening more frequently lately.
On the plus side, its almost to that point in the year when I will do the 30 days of thanks blog. Hopefully it will be entertaining or at the very least interesting.
Until next time.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Life as I currently know it.
Its been a bit again......primarily due to life running off in its own direction again. I barely got settled back in and started getting used to being alone again when all the sudden there was a a damn hurricane to deal with.We survived it with almost no damage at all. Minor cosmetic shit to the landscaping but thats it. Ended up without power f or a couple days but nothing we couldnt handle.
Next we had another blow up with the oldest,only this time it resulted in him being arrested.Not sure where that will all fall once it does since its still in process.
Then of course there was shit happening in SL.......I lost 2 people that I loved completely,finally taking that final step and removing them from my life in every way. Then I started working on healing. I was starting to settle in,grew the family a little bit more,found myself caring about people and even about the things I was doing. Yet as always, It was stupid of me to do so. I was betrayed and stabbed in the back and it led to me going on to explore new ventures yet again. Like the kitten I am,I landed on my feet but not without some scratches and battle damage. Ive spent the last month forcing a smile,but the last few days its been even harder then normal. Adding to it what time of year it is and Im pretty sure Im heading into a horrid downward spiral . I dont see there being any way to avoid it,so Im just going to suffer through it like normal,hoping that it wont be any worse this year then it has been in recent history.
Next we had another blow up with the oldest,only this time it resulted in him being arrested.Not sure where that will all fall once it does since its still in process.
Then of course there was shit happening in SL.......I lost 2 people that I loved completely,finally taking that final step and removing them from my life in every way. Then I started working on healing. I was starting to settle in,grew the family a little bit more,found myself caring about people and even about the things I was doing. Yet as always, It was stupid of me to do so. I was betrayed and stabbed in the back and it led to me going on to explore new ventures yet again. Like the kitten I am,I landed on my feet but not without some scratches and battle damage. Ive spent the last month forcing a smile,but the last few days its been even harder then normal. Adding to it what time of year it is and Im pretty sure Im heading into a horrid downward spiral . I dont see there being any way to avoid it,so Im just going to suffer through it like normal,hoping that it wont be any worse this year then it has been in recent history.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Lost and Found
Ive been fairly silent for a little bit now,I was sorta lost I guess in some ways. Cycling,dealing with a break up and the inevitable aftermath/fallout that happens kinda threw me off kilter for a bit.It was a loss and a shitty one at that. I considered them to be two of my best friends, people who I let in and thought were close to me,but like everyone else....they left.It hurt,still does on some levels,and in all honesty probably will for awhile until I fully heal.
Yet,Ive noticed despite that loss,Ive started to find my self again. Ive found the smile that started to fade the longer I was with them. Ive found .well more like reconnected, with my family again and even increased it in size. Ive found that side of me that I put on a shelf so that I didnt make her feel threatened by me (although that was pointless,jussayin) being a part of his life. Ive found things that make me happy to do and re-immersed myself in things I forgot that entertained me.Most importantly though, Ive found that while I do miss the connection I had with him and with her,I can form connections with others who fullfill what holes they seem to have left behind.
I dont want anyone to ever think I regret being with him or being with her,nor do I regret any aspect of the relationship. Ive grown from it,learned from it, and feel I have become an even better person. Giving him the chances I did was unusual for me but I felt that pull to him. I had to explore it. I am thankful ,though it was a rough road, that I was able to do so. Doing so helped me to learn more about various aspects of non traditional relationships and reaffirmed many beliefs I already had in place.
so basically ,yes I hurt,but I have a lot of gratitude towards them for all of the lessons learned and previous thoughts confirmed. I lost them,but seem to have found myself once again.
Yet,Ive noticed despite that loss,Ive started to find my self again. Ive found the smile that started to fade the longer I was with them. Ive found .well more like reconnected, with my family again and even increased it in size. Ive found that side of me that I put on a shelf so that I didnt make her feel threatened by me (although that was pointless,jussayin) being a part of his life. Ive found things that make me happy to do and re-immersed myself in things I forgot that entertained me.Most importantly though, Ive found that while I do miss the connection I had with him and with her,I can form connections with others who fullfill what holes they seem to have left behind.
I dont want anyone to ever think I regret being with him or being with her,nor do I regret any aspect of the relationship. Ive grown from it,learned from it, and feel I have become an even better person. Giving him the chances I did was unusual for me but I felt that pull to him. I had to explore it. I am thankful ,though it was a rough road, that I was able to do so. Doing so helped me to learn more about various aspects of non traditional relationships and reaffirmed many beliefs I already had in place.
so basically ,yes I hurt,but I have a lot of gratitude towards them for all of the lessons learned and previous thoughts confirmed. I lost them,but seem to have found myself once again.
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